Monday Motivation- Week 5

Reflections.

Hey friends! So I’ve decided to take this blog post a different direction this week.  I want to reflect on my overall journey with all it’s up and downs, struggles, and my reason for even creating this blog series in the first place.

Okay, so here goes…

So I may have mentioned at some point during this series that as for as long as I can remember I have not been happy with my body…even pre-baby.  Years of not taking care of my body by eating whatever I want and not exercising, along with a lot of late nights and drinking definitely caught up with me.  I tried endless programs which ultimately failed shortly after beginning…mainly because I’d see a little bit of progress so I’d take a few days off which led to weeks, etc.  The cycle of giving up was constant and I was always back to square one.

Unlike exercise, I’ve always had a tight relationship with food and would eat to make myself feel better about things in my life that I didn’t like, or things that made me really happy.  Food has always been my go to stress reliever–but never a permanent fix.  Loose clothing or just looking at myself in the mirror from flattering angles got me through, but I’ve never felt 100% comfortable or confident in my own skin. Stretch marks, cellulite, veins, etc….all I’ve wanted to do was cover all of that mess up, especially around people I didn’t know very well or felt intimidated by.  Kind of an awful way to live, right?

That was until Fall of last year.  My husband and I finally decided that we had enough of being the laziest lazies ever and were going to train and run a 5K together.  A few hand shakes, hi-5’s and hoo-rah’s later we were committed–WE DOIN’ DIS’!

His schedule is always nuts and at the time I was still working FT so scheduling our runs a couple of times a week with two kids proved to be a challenge, but the bottom line was that we made it a priority and made it happen.  Even if our runs didn’t happen until 8pm after dark–we did it.  Fast forward to Thanksgiving Day when we completed the Turkey Trot 5K.  It was faaareeezing and I seriously thought my legs might freeze solid and break into pieces mid run, but luckily they survived and so did we!  And let me tell you,  it felt sooo. damn. good. to cross that finish line and accomplish that goal together.  Yes, all you crazy marathon runners are probably like, woop-dee-doo!  But I’m sure you also remember your first couple of races and how it felt.  I was so incredibly proud of us for completing that 3.1 miles and we were so stoked that we even talked about doing another a few weeks later.

Sadly, the fuel in our fires quickly fizzled out and sickness and holiday craziness got us down.  We didn’t run for WEEKS after that race.  Seriously–whyyy did we let that happen after all our hard work and how incredibly good we felt afterwards?  Grrrrrr…makes me so want to go back and slap myself around a little bit!  But…I digress.

Fast forward to January when we decided to jump on the Whole 30 diet bandwagon.   As crazy as I thought we were a week in, and how I was so ready to quit by week 2, we persevered and holy sh*t-balls we made it 30 days with no alcohol, grains, legumes, dairy, sugar.  Complete craziness.  And another “woo-hooo, we did it!” feeling!

Though, as committed as we were during those 30 days, it wasn’t long before we went back to some of our old habits, which I’d say probably half of people do.  Not nearly eating and drinking what we were before hand, but I cannot honestly say that Whole 30 changed our lives—but only because we chose to not let it.  Again, letting that food and bad habits take control.

I can say that Whole 30 was a great detox for us and it definitely made us more aware of crap we put in our bodies. And also how that crap makes us feel crappy.  Looking at ingredient labels more closely and trying to make healthier decisions was a positive take away.  I’d say that we are striving to be on a 80/20 or 70/30 type eating plan where we make healthier choices most of the time, and still have our occasional indulgences.  Occasional being more often some weeks than others but, its all about balance y’all.  And balance is a struggle for me in several facets of life right now, and this is just another one I’m trying to figure out.

So since Whole 30 wrapped up we’ve been trying to maintain what we lost that month, and not go completely overboard in the other direction!  I am happy to say that I HAVE--happy dance!  Even though I have fluctuated here and there, I’m still teetering around my lowest weight of 169. (Two days ago it was 170, but 169 sounds sooo much better, right?! Ha. ) Anyway, my ultimate goal weight is 150 AND feeling GOOD about myself, which I am slowly working on each and every day.  20 L-B’s to go!

This blog has already been an amazing outlet for me to be open about my journey, my struggles, and strengths. All of which have been good for me to share–no matter who is reading on the other end.  I feel it is truly helping me come to terms with loving myself, and ALL of the many imperfections that come along with me.

Life lately has still been busy and as I shared last week, I haven’t stuck to all my plans 100%, some weeks not even 50%.  BUT…I have to take a step back and look at the big picture.  Look at where I was at this time last year, or even the year before and recognize the positive strides I’ve made.

• Regular exercise regimen, at least 3 days a week–always aiming for more!
• More educated on foods that make me feel good and that fuel my body.  (Even if I still choose to eat terribly every now and then.)
• Drinking less alcohol.  Drinking more water. (most days that is!)
• Noticing positive changes in my body and my attitude, even if the scale doesn’t always reflect it.
• Coming to terms with the fact that this is MY journey.  And its not going to look like anyone else’s, especially the die-hard fitness coaches that I follow on Facebook and Instagram.  That just ain’t me!
• Also coming to terms that I will never be a size 2 and I’m OKAY with that!  But a size 6 or 8—yes please!!
• Gearing up to run another 5K this weekend!

I’m going to end on this note….if you are going through similar challenges please don’t hesitate to reach out to me for a little bit of encouragement, and I’ll ask you to do the same for me!  We need to support and lift each other up, no matter what we look like or where we are in our individual journeys.  No comparing. No feeling sorry for yourself.  Recognize your struggles, and that each new day is a new opportunity to make a new little change.  We got this.

I love y’all.  As always, thanks again for being here! XO